Is Our Culture Making Us Sick? - Part 2

I learned about the perils of stockpiling and numbing stress in my youth.  Highly sensitive and emotional as a child and young adult I had little guidance as to how to manage life when often feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed.  I turned to alcohol and smoking, which provided immediate relief and effectively numbed my over-sensitive interior.  This developed into deeper depression and anxiety, feelings of low self-worth and then an eating disorder.  Life on the inside was feeling pretty unstable.  

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I recall going to see a psychologist to talk.  He was likely in his 60s, dressed in a navy blue suit and tie and spent the entire session unsmiling, sitting at his huge wooden desk with me opposite.  I was about 17 at the time. As an inviting, warm therapeutic space it totally failed.  The session felt like an interview or getting called up in front of the school Headmaster - functional, formal and lacking in warmth.  Thankfully therapy has changed since then.  As for me, Prozac was prescribed and I was sent on my way.  The medication gave me some breathing space which was a relief, but didn’t ultimately repair my inner environment or banish my negative and self-sabotaging mind loops.

Several years passed with many fluctuations of mind and emotions, until one day I discovered yoga at my local gym.  By now I was in my 20s, had not long finished a degree at uni, was exercising regularly at the gym for the first time and seemed to be living a normal life.  Yet despite having a few more coping strategies under my belt I still often felt isolated, withdrawn, anxious and depressed.  I had got used to the fact I would probably never feel completely ‘normal’.

Something profound happened to me in those early yoga classes.  I felt a pleasurable connection to my body I hadn’t experienced before.  Till then my body had merely been a vehicle, or an object to berate and control to keep it in line with what society told me women should look like.  The gym sessions reinforced my unworthiness, but somehow yoga did not.  During relaxation I drifted off ‘somewhere’, to beyond the waking ‘thinking’ state and sleep.  Inside I felt at peace for a moment after the class.  It was indescribably beautiful.  This experience sparked in me the deep knowing that this path was one that would heal and reconnect the fragmented parts of myself.  My conscious mind realised this, yet it was my body that had been the resource to experience, sense and feel the shift.

Informed by my own experiences I firmly believe that the journey to recovering from long term stress and mental health trauma of any kind has to involve the body.  In time, the process of compassionate somatic (of the body) enquiry helps us to befriend and know ourselves from deep within.  It can be that simple and the results profound.  We literally create a safe haven within that is always there for us.  The cultivation of embodiment comes through tapping into the felt sense of our breath and body as we move in ways that nourish the nervous system and release tension.  In a nutshell, embodiment means shifting from being on the outside looking at myself, to being on the inside experiencing myself.  It’s a process that doesn’t happen overnight, but which affords a level of knowing, capacity and agency that’s simply not available to us when functioning from a solely cognitive (thinking mind) perspective.

When suffering from the symptoms of depression or anxiety we can feel disempowered, numb, frightened and confused.  I know I did, and still do from time to time when life throws a curved ball my way.  Having a place to turn to, and practices that work has been a game-changer. The state doesn’t last long these days.

Over time and with a regular practice of embodied movement, breath awareness, relaxation and meditation my inner environment has become a place I am no longer afraid to go.  I still feel emotions intensely and at times this is tough, but the difference is the work I have done to befriend and open up to the visceral feeling state, rather than stay locked in my mind and thoughts.  To shed layers of physical tension on a regular basis and feel more alive in my body.  Rather than suppress and resist uncomfortable feelings I am able to drop into them as they arise and pass.  This is vital for energetic, mental/emotional decluttering.  The result of which is less accumulative load on the bodymind.

Back in my younger days I never would have dreamed I could feel this way. So it feels like my calling to share this progressive yogic technology with others.

One of the best ways we can make lasting changes to our brains, nervous systems and mental state, developing greater resilience to life’s challenges, is through intentional conscious embodied movement (such as slow and mindful yoga) and learning how to feel from within (interoception).  One of my teachers Kristine Weber says “use the mind to change the brain to change the mind”.  This means the mind gets you to the mat; you do the practices; the mood-enhancing brain changes occur; then the inner state becomes calmer and clearer.

It’s a radical, rebellious move these days to prioritise your ongoing wellbeing over productivity.  Stillness and introspection over busyness and distraction.  Yet the only way through is in.

If you have been experiencing any of the conditions mentioned and need help I would love to hear from you.  

It just takes one small step.  

Together is better.